What makes people do what they do?
Seems a relatively simple question but how easy is it to really answer?
How might you respond?
In this paper, I would like to propose the following, while also shared by many wise teachers in their way, here’s my understanding:
1. It begins with ones Beliefs.
Where do beliefs come from? Since no one comes out of the womb with any preconceived beliefs (well, almost not, i.e. cellular memory, genetics, epigenetics, and the sciences around these topics may offer further insight but that’s for another paper) instead, they are formed out of ones style of upbringing, parents, siblings, family, friends, spouses, partners, school mates, colleagues, co-workers, society at large with regard to the institutions of education from schools to colleges, religion from clergy, churches, mosques, synagogues, temples, places of worship, workplaces, health care providers, from clinics and doctors, to hospitals and medical centers, Gov’t, politics, party ideology, various clubs and social environments, and the list continues…
2. How are ones Beliefs supported/confirmed?
As a human being, one of our goals is to fit in, feel comfortable around others where our goals feel supported, we are acknowledged, seen, heard, and even loved. Often, when we believe in a specific way, we find ourselves in those circles of people with the same mindset, not always but generally speaking. Meaning that by surrounding ourselves with like-minded people and groups we feel supported and in essence this helps to prop up our belief system as truth. Since others seem to believe in the same fashion it must be true. It becomes the truth we know.
3. Where might growth and evolution of thought come into play, shaping our beliefs?
Disruption. By questioning WHY, we believe what we do. Remember as children we always asked why this or that but after being told over and over from parents, teachers “it just is or because I said so” stifled and often led one to stop asking. We should never stop being curious or feel embarrassed to ask questions, any teacher welcomes. I encourage as one of my teachers did, he smiled and gently asked Why do you believe what you do? Since it came from a college professor, I pondered, thinking he must know something I don’t because it seems simple enough to answer, because I do. That question will inevitably lead to an exceedingly long thoughtful, eye-opening inquiry raising even more questions, and answers – if one chooses to be curious, open and courageous enough to do so. Because with such an exercise, one must be willing to also let go of what they may have believed – And do you really feel that way or was it because mom and dad or your friend or spouse believed it? In doing so, listen to yourself – not the voices in your mind heard from others, but also feel in your body how it responds to your various beliefs. Does your body feel restricted, constricted, heavy, or does it feel light, expansive, or joyful? This helps to understand the connection between mind and heart – is it congruent or incongruent, mind rationalizing one way while the heart is expressing otherwise. Ultimately, we aim to have our minds and heart in harmony, harmonious with each other. And in doing this exercise as you come to have newfound understandings ask how that new understanding might be applied elsewhere in life.
4. Here’s the deal, most people will NOT change their beliefs and would rather hang on tight, why?
Because it means facing the UNKNOWN. It is DISRUPTION. How many people are truly willing to go into an unknown space, an uncomfortable one, to a place of questioning, potentially leading to unlearning everything one has ever been taught or learned? We humans want and desire security, this does not sound like security or comfort. That my friend might sound scary if we let it take hold and stop us, but I ask this, how are you currently feeling believing what you do? Does it feel like your values align with your beliefs? Do you generally feel pretty good, optimistic or not so good and pessimistic, maybe feeling depressed, anxiety ridden, sad, and by the way, all of these are worthy emotions to have because everyone of us experiences every emotion in our lives but it is when we stay stuck for long periods of time in one emotion over another we experience further pain and suffering. But when we become curious and ask ourselves, why am I staying in this space, what am I to glean or learn from these feelings showing up, or what are they trying to show and tell me, we don’t abandon, push them down or away; instead, welcome them like an old friend. In asking, we also learn the difference from, is this a story I am replaying in my mind or is what I am really experiencing now (at the moment) really True?
Repeatedly, our minds come up with more false truths than what is actual reality.
5. Why does any of this matter you might ask?
Well, how might one authentically stand for something if not vulnerable enough to inquire where their beliefs originated from in the first place? Have you been vulnerable to express believing XYZ from what was known at the time but today based upon new XYZ information, believing otherwise? Beliefs change Core Values do not. Core values stay constant – constant during any period in history, during societal changes, they are still intact, including integrity, love, compassion, respect, justice, creativity, kindness, trust, and generosity as staples. Are our Beliefs aligned with our Core Values?
Today, we live at a time where information is everywhere at the drop of a dime, things are spun, avoided or even said to our faces, truth is a lie, lie is a truth, many opinions, many embracing the next great you name it… the next hit, be it a song, play, movie star, movie, place, location, home, book, car, idea, and yet with little thought as to why one may be led or steered towards or in a specific direction.
Much like the Wizard of Oz or any of its versions, pull away, look behind the curtain, it is YOU, no savior, no fixer, no leader to save the day, it is up to YOU. It is your life not anyone else’s, so why would you let another’s beliefs and / or influences which aren’t in direct proportion to who you are, and your core values be allowed to lead your one and only life? Your Life. Your Gift. How might you show up for you and those around you, differently? And more importantly, would you be willing to unlearn everything you may have been taught and stand up, then? Maybe, just maybe someone else (including institutions, organizations) had an agenda in teaching, preaching, proselytizing such things? One must not ever be afraid to ask why, why, and why.
It is when we stop asking “Why” that we help fulfill someone else’s dream while abandoning our own. But by listening to our own hearts can we better serve and support, advocating, and celebrating each other that our dreams come true, and our soul expresses the purpose it came here to fulfill.
Something to further contemplate, what does it mean to be a human being? I once asked to a classroom of students in a medical ethics class and what a fun time hearing all the possibilities – and there really was no wrong answers. Many might begin to fill in the blank with gender identity, male, female, body, arms and legs, what if no arms or a missing leg, physical form, a mind, what if one is unconscious, in a comma, are they less of a human being, whether a soul exist or not, breath, no breath but on respirator. What if we began to entertain and understand we don’t know it all or maybe use or get use to the idea of using other terms not yet known or familiar with, some people don’t want or desire to be known through a gender identity or maybe they do, what’s wrong with yes, no, and…while, here’s a bit of a head scratcher to also contemplate should you choose, that coincides with the above.
If one is open to potentiality and questions whether other potential life forms (aliens) exist, that in other galaxies in far off places there is some form of life, will it or they look like us, will we know their gender, what if they possess both or none?
How have we become such a species to believe we are the only life form in a world incredibly massive and never-ending, and that even the definitions we have collectively agreed upon are even accurate? Answer: Because it would be too much to go there, to a place of the unknown, we humans desire comfort, ease, fill in the blank, label, categorize anything to keep it simple and safe enough, don’t go outside the box, anything beyond what has been systemically told, or shared is often to incomprehensible – so we try and keep it simple. And yet, as we have been told for millennia we use only a fraction of our brain power – what lies ahead may be so much more if we challenge ourselves, remain open and willing to keep going…we are only just beginning to discover so much more about who we are and our existence.
There is so much we do not know and have not allowed ourselves to know because that would inevitably change our belief system. We must not remain so rigid, only staying with the known because even that comes up for debate, as we learn more; instead, we must remain curious and open. Because the day one stops being curious and doesn’t question – they learn no more and miss out on the magic of life’s wonders and possibilities, instead, becoming rigid, old, pessimistic, no hope, no gratitude, nothing will seem worth celebrating when one professes to already know everything that there is to know. We humans are designed to keep growing and evolving, not become or stay stagnant; otherwise, we prematurely die when we abandon curiosity. Therefore, go forth remain curious and let your dreams come true!
